Posted on June 04th, 2003 06:56 PM by admin

By Steve Markos author of the book Russian Women F. A. Q.

Q:My RW is pressuring me to get married in her hometown. Is this a good idea? What do you think?

Don’t do it. Getting officially married in your fiancée’s homeland is plain stupid! If your fiancée is pressuring you for a quick marriage, dump her. There's a reason for the pressure and chances are it isn’t good. In addition, there is no benefit. There is no time saved as far as getting your fiancée/wife back to your homeland. For USA citizens, getting married in the FSU does not allow your wife to return home with you. You must return home alone and apply to get her a Green card as your Relative, which takes four to eight months. And most importantly, if you get married in the FSU, you are married. Period. Get back home and find out that you and your wife can't stand each other, or she hates where you live, or whatever other problems might come up to ruin your marriage, and you have to get divorced.

In most countries there is something called a Fiancée Visa. I can only discuss this type of visa as far as the United States goes, so men outside the USA need to contact their immigration department and find out if their country offers a similar visa. The Fiancée Visa allows a woman to come to America for the purpose of getting married and it takes about four months to receive from the time the visa is applied for. Once the woman arrives in the USA the couple has ninety days to get married or else the woman must return to her homeland. Unless you have lived in her country and have dated this woman for a long period of time, you don't know this woman, and I don't care how many letters you may have written or how many phone conversations you may have had. Most men would never consider marrying a hometown girl with whom they have spent no more than two weeks with, so why would you marry a RW under these circumstances?

The three months granted by the Fiancée Visa is not a long time, but it's better than the two weeks most men spend with a woman while on their vacation. Plus, when you are on vacation it's very easy for everything to go smoothly, and, in the short run, it is very easy for a man to appear to be a perfect gentleman, or for the woman to appear to be a charming lady. The bad aspects of a person's personality come out over time. It's harder to cover up the difficulties when you live together day in and day out. My first relationship with a RW went on for two years, during which time we spent four vacations together, each lasting about two weeks. Everything was great during each meeting. Then she had an opportunity to attend a small college near Atlanta (where I live) and once we were able to spend every day together, the relationship didn't last two weeks. She turned out to be evil personified.

Furthermore, don't make the mistake of getting married shortly after your fiancée arrives. Wait the ninety days. I had one customer who got married two days after his fiancée arrived. They divorced two weeks later. Had he waited the ninety days he would have found out within two weeks that the woman would become homesick to the point of depression. At that point she could have returned home without a divorce. Most of the problems are going to come in the beginning. A woman might get homesick, might not like your homeland or culture, or might not like you (or vice versa). Whether she came to you with honorable intentions and things didn't work out, or whether she came with dishonorable intentions looking for a free ride to a better life, in most cases you'll be able to spot the problems long before the ninety days are up.

Q:Steve, your advice is well taken. But I still have a question. It may not save any time getting married over there but would it not assure that your "wife" gets the approval she needs from immigration?

Unless the woman has a criminal record, is a former KGB super spy, former terrorist, has been previously deported and banished from the United States, has AIDS or Tuberculosis, or says something during her visa interview that leads the Embassy Visa department to believe that she is not being honest, there is no way that she can be denied a visa if you meet the requirements (of course, provided you fill out the application correctly). If any of the above circumstances hold true, your wife would not be allowed to enter the United States anyway. You are still free to marry, but you won’t be able to live together in the United States.

To get a Fiancée Visa there are three requirements:

1) You have met each other within the last two years.

2) Both of you can get married—divorces must be official and you both are of legal age to marry.

3) Your intentions are to get married—regardless of what your plans are, don't tell the government that you just want the woman to come over for three months to see what happens. Tell them you're getting married, end of story.

Call me traditional, and maybe I'm putting the cart before the horse, but since I expect my fair FSU Lady to move halfway around the world to live with me, the least I could do is marry her in front of her family in a church ceremony.

To the best of my knowledge, it is possible to arrange a church wedding in the FSU without involving the government. Nothing would be official. Thus, you could get “married” in the FSU and still return home and file for a Fiancée Visa. Just be sure that you never mention your church wedding to the US government. If you then decide not to officially marry due to whatever differences you might have, it is up to you and your “ex-wife” to explain to her relatives that you were never actually married and that you do not need to divorce.

If you officially marry in the FSU, then you are married. There's no turning back. If you get back home and either of you learn that a big mistake was made, you must get divorced. The more sensible thing to do is to apply for the Fiancée Visa and then if you get married, take a trip back to the FSU and have an official or church wedding for the benefit of your wife’s family and friends.