Posted on June 04th, 2003 06:38 PM by admin

By Steve Markos author of the book Russian Women F. A. Q.

Q: It seems like most of the guys who get scammed are the ones who are pretty desperate to get married. What do you think of this?

Yes, I’ve noticed the very same thing. Not in all cases, but this does seem to be the pattern. The more desperate you are to get married, the lonelier you are, then the greater the chance you have of becoming a sucker. I can tell within one minute of talking to a customer if he is desperate, and if I can spot him in a minute, the con-artist women can spot him in a second. The paradox is that a Desperate Guy (DG) doesn't know he's desperate, so there is no avoiding what might happen. Here are some examples of what I am talking about. Or, “You know you’re a DG when…”

-DG: How do I send a wedding ring to a girl in Ukraine?

-Me: Well, it's illegal to send a diamond and it might get stolen as well. You should have given it to her when you were with her.

-DG: I haven't met her yet.

DG writes to ten girls, one answers. Flowers at a hundred bucks a pop are sent every few days. Visa is applied for and trip to Ukraine is arranged. DG travels to meet the girl. The day he arrives I get a call from Ukraine:

-DG: What do I have to do to get the girl off the service? I think we will get married.

-Me: Have her call me when she decides. Didn't you just arrive?

-DG: Yes.

-Me: Well, don't you think you should spend some time with her first?

Letter from DG: "I love you, I love you, I love you. Can't wait until we are married. Also can't wait until we meet."

All the above are edited versions of true stories. A typical DG is a guy who jumps head-first into a relationship with the first woman who shows interest in him. His mind is completely shut. Anything you tell him goes in one ear and out the other. All "red flags" (warning signs) are ignored. The woman's own mother could tell him that her daughter is a first class slut who is just waiting to take him for all he is worth and he won't hear a word. Such guys exist. One DG I personally know continues to communicate with a RW despite the fact that I, three interpreters, the woman's sister, and her brother-in-law have told him that she is bad news. To top this off, he went over to see her for a week and she turned his vacation into a living hell.

My bet is that many men who have had a disastrous relationship with a RW will look back at what has happened and will recall plenty of times where this woman pushed him into doing things he didn't want to do. Or instances where he just grinned-and-bared some of her awful behavior. He put up with crap from her because she was good looking and had a hot body and/or he had it in his head from the start that this woman was for him before he ever met her in person. And I would bet that he was warned by some third person—mother, friends, etc. Maybe they didn't come right out and say that she was a bitch, but I bet he heard things like, "I don't know if she is the one for you," or "She seems a little cold." Yes, I picked up this most valuable tip the hard way (luckily I wised up in time and didn’t get married). I had plenty of objective third parties warning me, including mother and friends, and I just thought that they were crazy. I learned. When you have one person telling you something, that's one thing. But when everyone is telling you that you need to dump the woman, you'd better get your head out of your ass and listen up.

The thing that sets DGs apart from non-DGs is that non-DGs listen to what others say, their minds are open, and they are a little cautious of any overly amorous woman. I don't think that you need to be paranoid or distrustful, but certainly being a little on the cautious side is advisable.

But all of this is not to say that if you are not desperate that you are immune to the con of a gorgeous woman, or that if you get suckered that you are a DG. Certainly non-DGs can get conned as well. The sensible man is the one who realizes that anything is possible.

The best advice is to travel with the attitude of, "If I find a woman, I do. If I don't, I'll have a good vacation," not, "If I don't get married this time I'm going to kill myself."

These Desperate Guys that you speak of sound like they get what they deserve. They definitely bear some responsibility for their failed relationship. ,P. If someone tries to run across the Interstate in a major city and gets hit by a car, I don't expect many people to have pity for him. In fact, I'm sure many will say, "That dumb ass deserved to get hit." He definitely should have known better, or at least understood that there was a good chance of getting hit. While I personally don’t think he “deserved what he got,” I certainly don't want to hear him complain that there were too many cars on the highway and that they were all going way too damn fast.

Some men simply can't understand what went wrong. They are naive. Many were in relationships “too good to be true” (much older, out of shape, unattractive guys with much younger, in shape, Playboy centerfold girls). Others heard and ignored warnings from family and friends. Yes, these men should bear some responsibility.

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